By DAVID MOWRY
I just finished “Crash of the Titans
” (affiliate link), a book about the fall of Merrill Lynch and its sale to Bank of America. Listening to the book on tape made the dialogue and behavior of some of these Masters of the Universe seem, quite frankly, depraved in the depths of immaturity. Utilizing a company helicopter solely for golf outings, playing playground politics over millions of dollars, when your duty is to the shareholders of your company? It was quite a story, one I recommend to those new hires out there. The bankers are the people you work for in Biglaw. Associates are but peons on the rung of the lawfirm pyramid; a scheme so insidious that Daniel Koybiashi would be proud.
What is it that makes some men behave so poorly? Like forcing associates to accompany them to the men’s room. One partner at a former firm thought nothing of continuing conversations about matters right into the latrine, through the ablutions, and back out the door. It would have been especially nice of him to wash his hands before reaching into the ice machine on the way back to the office, me following like a puppy. Another partner triple billed clients on an arbitrage matter; I know this, because the work assigned to me was done by two other associates previously. Yet another partner didn’t want to report a mentally unstable attorney for fear of the extra headache it would cause. Or the judge who would demand his clerks stay until he left for the evening, and who often proceeded to workout in the gym; oh, and had one of the worst backlogs in the judiciary.
Then there are the harassers. I know of a judge who was mysteriously looking for a mid-year replacement. The problem was that the old bastard was such a sexist jerk that he’d been through several female clerks already, and the latest one had quit mid-year. There are the back room and closed door jokes about gender, pregnancy, affirmative action, femi-nazis and the like. And yes, this goes on still today; in law firms, in house, and many places men gather. I call it “harrumphing”, as groups of men engaging in this behavior over drinks sound like water buffaloes at the river, “harrumph harrumph.” We even had a kid stupid enough to offensively call out a woman in our summer class. Of course, nothing was done as she didn’t want to make waves. It was with no small amount of shadenfreude that I read about him in this very blog for emailing (yes EMAILING) damning quotes to other folks in his current firm. And I can never write one of these without mentioning the partner who took after the female partner who had already left her first husband (another partner) and which couple went on to cuckold the primary client of the first idiot. Then, the client came back in house, married another partner at the firm, and sits in the office of the first guy. (You have to chart it out, but it is truly amazing).
Before you inundate me with the MRA nonsense, or even the Trumpian “if you work as hard, you’ll make as much,” nonsense, just self-reflect a bit. If any of this seems funny to you, or sounds familiar, you may be part of the problem. However, the real problem, is that while we all recognize that these problems exist, nothing is done to eradicate them. Diversity training doesn’t help those in need, and those that don’t need are bored to tears by the silly films. I suppose that as generations of peer groups come through and move up or on, some of this will come to an end; but I don’t hold out much hope.
David Mowry is Senior Counsel to a large technology company. The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the company’s position or opinion on issues raised herein.
David is a former litigator, two time federal clerk, and former Chair of the Association of Corporate Counsel’s New to In House Committee, and is available for speaking engagements (specifically interested in schools that want a presenter to tell it like it was, is and could be with experience not only in Biglaw, but also the federal judiciary and is now in-house). If interested, you may reach him at dmowry00@gmail.com.
http://abovethelaw.com/2015/10/men-behaving-badly/
